Cue all teachers sobbing into their pillows.
I have actually been doing OK. Probably because it is break, lol, so we shall see how that changes next week.
I was supposed to actually work on some lesson planning and stuff this break, but nahhhhhhhh.
I really just let myself rest and relax and it has been really good for me.
Christmas came and went. Christmas really is completely different when you experience it through the eyes of your children.
Last year, our little girl was only a baby. She didn’t really understand what was going on. This year, with a toddler? So sweet.
We got our daughter a tricycle. My husband put it together in the garage and we put it next to the tree after she went to sleep on Christmas Eve.
Her face when we put her on it! I thought I would melt, she was so happy.
Of course, it has been pouring all yesterday and today, so we haven’t got to take her out on it since Christmas, but still…
It is adorable to watch her, but really reiterates how quickly she is growing up.
Just ignore me as a sob in the corner over my baby getting so big.
I know, I am being horribly neglectful to the blog. But apparently, according to my therapist, I am being horribly neglectful to myself. I just don’t have enough time for everything everybody expects me to do.
Typical to-do list, going directly from one thing to the next:
- Wake up and feed the toddler
- Teach a couple of classes via the satellite program I work for
- Commute to work
- Teach classes at school
- Work on tech during my lunch and conference
- Commute home
- Make dinner
- Feed toddler
- Clean kitchen/play with toddler
- Get her ready for bed
When I get up at 5 and she isn’t asleep until 8, I often don’t get 30 minutes to sit down and do nothing until 8:30.
And she wants to know why I don’t go out and do something for myself.
When? In that magical two hour break that only exists in my imagination? I didn’t realize I could transfer that to real time.
In the evening when the baby is asleep? Most places are closed then. Plus, I get up at 5 so I want to sleep. Or maybe take a quick shower if I am feeling fancy.
Trust me, I would love to just sit and do nothing. Take a bath. Zone out and watch a movie. Get a pedicure.
But this work schedule sucks. It is a vampire stealing everything.
The energy levels still aren’t back.
I am going t mention the lack of energy and motivation to my therapist today.
It’s not that I am not doing anything. I am still doing things.
I go to work. I clean the house. I cook. I play with my toddler.
I just don’t really want to do anything.
Maybe lethargy isn’t the right word. Maybe it is more like apathy? I just don’t care enough to do more.
Either way, I figure I will mention it tonight.
It’s a new thing for me. Normally in the past, when I have felt really down, I couldn’t find the energy to even do the bare minimum. This is why I feel like this is different? It’s new.
Several days of lethargy. I just don’t want to do anything besides lay down and read. I don’t have a cold or anything. I just don’t have motivation.
I am really, really tired.
I don’t really have much to say besides that.
I used to write so much more, but I just feel drained.
I used to do so much more.
I don’t have any other symptoms. I just want to rest.
Hopefully I will get that soon. I thought I would over break, but hosting family is pretty stressful. The rest that I got at the start of the week was all spent on that.
I feel like a car that is almost always running on empty. When the light starts blinking letting me know I am about to stop, I put in $5 just to keep going.
On the plus, at least I am able to do that! The car hasn’t given up!
Do you remember when you were a kid and your holiday break was ending and you realized that it meant going back to school? And it was so sad?
Well, teachers still feel that.
It was a good break.
Not especially productive, but good.
I read four books (but none of the plays I had meant to read). I got super into a whole bunch of different web comic series and binged them like crazy (but forgot to run some basic errands). My cold finally went away (but I forgot to lesson plan). I mailed out my grad school application (but ended up having to beg someone else to write a letter of recommendation last minute since somebody ghosted me). I cleaned up all of the Thanksgiving decor (but haven’t taken out the Christmas stuff yet). I played with my toddler a bunch (but forgot to go to the Renaissance festival which we had purchased tickets for).
And I really like my new therapist.
That is definitely good.
But tomorrow looms and who knows what that will bring?
Yup. My grad school application is officially in the mail and out of my control.
So I just wait.
Which I (obviously) am wonderful at.