I Choked

The interview did not go well.

I got there early (par for the course) and scoped out the school from my car for about 15 minutes. It is a really large school, certain areas are still under construction, but some are already finished. The theater is mighty pretty!

I headed into the office (still 20 minutes early) and signed in. The students and office staff were all nice and friendly. They all seemed to know each other and be nice to everyone, which is a great environment.

I was getting interviewed by the principal and the district director for fine arts. They were both very nice gentlemen and were pleasant.

Some of my answers were actually alright. They seemed to like how I related theater classes to real life and cross-curricular lessons.

But they were asking about technical and design skills, what all I can bring to a production team. Then the big news…

Their Technical Director is retiring.

If I can’t do that job at my current school, I definitely can’t do it at a school with a much larger theater department and reputation. Our school musicals typically have about 30 kids? Theirs typically have 150.

My heart skipped a beat and they must have seen the flash of fear in my eyes.

They said something along the lines of “Well, if we find someone who we think is a good mix, we might be able to move other people around in the department…”

Yeah, not me. And I appreciate the pity comment to let me save face, but it was a waste of time for all of us.

At the end, the fine arts director walked me out and made some comment about “Best of luck” and then quickly tried to amend it to be “If we don’t see you again, best of luck.”

I am not sitting on the edge of my seat in regards to that one.

The school I interviewed at a week and a half ago had hoped to make a decision by the end of this week. So until I get another interview, all of my metaphorical eggs are in that junior high basket.

I am feeling pretty uneasy about all of this. And my self-esteem is very low. And plummeting further down. Like below the surface. As the days pass and the other schools continue to not call for interviews. As I see on job sites that positions I have applied for have filled.

I’m watching my tiny hurricane of a daughter destroy the living room currently. She just threw a ball at one of the cats and laughed. Her daddy has taught her how to pet the kitties nicely but she decided to put her stacking rings on their heads instead tonight.

I need to set a good example for her.

Must. Find. Job.

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