I Auditioned for a Play

Aside from teaching Theatre, I try to act on stage as much as I can, too. Ever since getting pregnant and having a baby, I have not had any time at all between work and family time. Unfortunately, all the mess with the administration at my school had put a bit of a sour taste in my mouth regarding theatre, as well.

(Wonder why that could be…)

Well, a lot of local theater companies are having auditions for their summer shows and one of the nearby ones is doing a show that is on my “theatre bucket list”. I have always wanted to play Lady Macbeth and I am just now getting to the age where it would work.

I started looking into auditioning. I picked and learned my audition monologue. I prepped. I was ready.

Then I found out about my job.

Suddenly I was rather preoccupied. I had no right to go audition for a show and spend some of my time doing something fun when I needed to find a new job.

My husband told me that was even more of a reason for me to do it – I needed something fun. He pointed out to me that I needed to remember why I liked theatre in the first place. This was a really good point.

(Possible ulterior motives: if I am at rehearsals, he doesn’t have to see me sulking about; plus something fun would make me happier and less of a storm cloud at home. These are both valid.)

We talked it over and I decided that I would still audition.

Auditions were Sunday and Monday night. We are supposed to hear who is cast sometime next week.

I’m feeling “ehhhhhhh” about it.

  • The director had me read for the witches on Sunday
  • He had two other ladies read for Lady M that day
  • I thought my monologue went well?
  • I read for Lady M on Monday
  • But so did several other ladies (including one of the ladies who read for it the day before)
  • I also read for other parts

But here is the biggest thing that makes me think it is a lost cause:

  • Most of the guys who auditioned are young. So he will probably want their wives to be close to them in age and appearance.

I am in the age range to play Lady Macbeth and the theater may choose to cast it young instead due to guys… So I am finally old enough, but now may be “too” old.

Eye rolls for days.

I also am concerned about the director’s past connections to me and the girl that I am *almost positive* he will cast as Lady Macbeth.

  • I had auditioned for him about two years ago? We thought our second IVF cycle had failed, so I auditioned for the show. Then I found out we were pregnant and because I didn’t want to risk anything, I was scared to do a show. We really wanted a baby! He offered me a part and I had to decline due to focusing on my family. We hadn’t announced the pregnancy yet, obviously. I probably looked like a diva who didn’t like the part he offered me.
  • Meanwhile, he has worked with the other girl for the past few shows he has directed. He knows her really well. She is young (for the part), but he has experience working with her.

I told my husband that I think he will offer me a part, but not the one I want. Here’s the thing: if I do the show, we had planned on taking a trip and will have to cancel that trip due to its timing. We had really been looking forward to this trip, so I think cancelling it is alright if it is for a part that I have always wanted to play. I don’t really like the concept of cancelling a vacation for a small part that I don’t really want.

Furthermore, I think it would not help my mood to watch someone else play the part that I want to play. Even if she is fantastic, it would just reinforce my current feelings of inadequacy. This would defeat the purpose of me doing a show to remember why I love theatre.

But if I don’t accept a lesser part, it will certainly look like I am a diva due to his past experience with me.

Groan.

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