It began to pour this morning and I felt my heart skip several beats.
Oh no. Not this. Not again.
After about 30 minutes, it tapered off to a steady sprinkle and I felt a huge sigh of relief escape me.
At this time last year, we were in the midst of Hurricane Harvey. Even thinking about it now is really hard for me. I do not want to go into details, because I still am terrified of all that happened. I was a mess during it for multiple reasons, but here is a very brief summary:
- I am terrified of drowning
- My daughter was only 5 months old and clearly couldn’t swim
- We have two cats
- We had water in our house
Obviously we are alive. But that is not one of those things that you just forget. As it had been getting closer and closer, so many TV channels were airing things called “Remembering Harvey” and “Recovery: 1 Year Later”, etc. Don’t worry. We haven’t forgotten.
One of my friends was rescued off of her roof with her two little children. Another was on the third floor of her apartment building, on her balcony, and jumped into a boat. Another was rescued from her attic. I have friends whose houses were completely destroyed with no chance for repair. Others, like us, who were able to get the major problems taken care of and were only displaced temporarily.
Things start to become your “new normal”. But then all of these shows pop up in case you forgot. We hadn’t, but suddenly our traumatic experiences are becoming entertainment. We aren’t watching these shows because we still vividly remember it. I don’t need to see the pictures of the flooded streets. I distinctly remember the water on the cars on our own street.
So it gets you even more amped up.
“What if it happens again? They said it was a hundred-year-storm, but what if this is the start of a new hundred years?”
Trust me, we bought extra things for our “Hurricane Kit” this year! Things we, hopefully, won’t need. Things like toddler flotation devices, a tent in case we need to camp out on our roof. We are honestly debating buying some kind of kayak or something.
This time last year was a series of panic attacks for me, one directly after the other. I am indirectly reliving everything and feeling like I may have some again, second-hand almost. Just the constant memory and reminders is anxiety inducing.
I used to love the sound of the rain. Now I cannot stand it and it speeds up my heart.